“People are just about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” – Abraham Lincoln

 If I had to name the single most important key to happiness, it would be this: take control of what you have control over, and let go of what you don’t.

What happens when you focus on things that you have no control over? When you dwell on traffic jams, bad luck, and other people’s irresponsibility, you have a recipe for anger and resentment – which hurts only you.

When you focus on the possibility of future calamities that may or may not actually happen, you’re inviting anxiety.

When you take responsibility for solving problems that do not belong to you, such as those of a loved one, you’re asking for frustration – for both of you.

And what happens when you fail to take control of the things that are under your control? When you focus on your dissatisfaction with your job, your social life, or your accomplishments, without doing anything about it, you’re setting yourself up for depression and feeling like a victim.

If this is a problem for you, try this: when you find yourself expending mental or physical energy on a problem – either by trying to solve it or just by feeling bad about it – ask yourself a question: “Do I own this problem? Could I change it if I wanted to or knew how to?”

If the answer is no, don’t waste too much time or energy on it. Either let it go, or, if it’s a problem that belongs to someone else, just support that person as they struggle with their problem as best they can. After all, even if you came up with the perfect solution, you don’t have the power to implement it.

If the answer to the question is that you do own the problem, acknowledge that. Even if you don’t know how to fix it, acknowledging that you are not truly powerless is a helpful start. It tells you that you have choices – including asking others for help or advice.